


Six reasons

by MsUtterson



Series: The scenes we don't see [5]
Category: Jekyll & Hyde - Wildhorn/Wildhorn & Bricusse & Cuden/Bricusse
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Jealousy, M/M, Mentions of Violence, One Shot, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:15:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26628145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsUtterson/pseuds/MsUtterson
Summary: Everyone thought he did it to protect the bride and the wedding guests, but in truth, John Utterson had six different motives for shooting Henry Jekyll on his wedding day.
Relationships: Henry Jekyll/Gabriel John Utterson
Series: The scenes we don't see [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2134038
Kudos: 22
Collections: fics that make my heart palpitate





	Six reasons

**Author's Note:**

> Do you ever listen to the J&H concept album and think it’s a little bit excessive how Utterson shoots Jekyll/Hyde four times in a row during the finale? Some productions even make it six. You’d think being shot once or twice would be enough to keep the guy down. But then the thought hit me – what if Utterson had a different personal reason for firing each of those shots?
> 
> Like everything I’ve written for this fandom so far, this is based on a production of Jekyll & Hyde that had both Jekyll and Utterson in their late 20s, heavily implied something had taken place between them before the events of the show, and canonically had Utterson unrequitedly in love with Jekyll. Their Utterson didn’t have a gun though!

_Do it, John… for God’s sake, set me free!_

Aiming his uncle’s old revolver at his best friend’s chest, John Utterson took a shallow breath. He had suspected it might come to this. Nightmares of this precise situation were why he had brought the weapon to the wedding in the first place, and after many tedious training sessions with his uncle in his youth, he certainly knew how to use it.

He had thought the only thing lacking would be the courage to actually do what was needed, but now, hearing the plea in Henry’s voice and seeing the distress in his eyes…

John pulled the trigger.

First bullet.

Because Edward Hyde had to be stopped.

It had gone too far, and clearly, Henry was not able to keep Hyde away anymore. Surely someone had to step in.

John Utterson believed that there was a certain order in the universe, an order that mandated wrongs being righted and crimes being punished. He had just seen Hyde take a life and threaten to take another, and heaven only knew how many other corpses he had left in his wake.

The right thing to do, the _only_ thing to do, was to stop Hyde before he did any more harm.

Even if John had to stop him himself.

Second bullet.

Because Edward Hyde deserved it.

This Hyde – John did not understand how it was possible this stranger had taken over Henry Jekyll’s body, but he hated him for it nonetheless. Clearly, whatever battle the two were fighting, Hyde was winning. Soon enough, he would end up killing Henry too. And then what used to be Henry’s body would be walking out in the world, bearing Henry’s features but not his soul.

John felt horrified at the thought.

He hated Edward Hyde for taking Henry away from him. For destroying Henry’s life, for turning his closest friend into a murderer, for forcing John to face this nightmare. 

Hyde did not deserve to live. And if killing Hyde with his own hands was what it took to make sure he would never again have to look into Henry’s eyes and see that hateful stranger looking back… John felt the revolver kicking back the second time and took aim for the third.

Third bullet.

Because Henry Jekyll deserved it.

Hyde might have taken over Henry’s body, but it was Henry who had let him in in the first place. He had brought the demon upon himself, upon all of them. All for some foolish experiment that anyone could tell was doomed to fail.

How could anyone be so stupid, so reckless, so ludicrously selfish?

How dared he? Not heeding a single warning, poisoning himself and dragging so many others to hell with him. Dragging John with him.

Had Henry once in his life thought about anyone else but himself, even for a moment? Had he ever considered how John felt like, cleaning up his messes, worrying about him day and night? Wondered how it was like for John, being forced to watch how Henry destroyed himself without being able to help him, without any means of saving him from himself?

Had Henry ever considered how John would feel like, having to kill the person he loved more than anyone else in the world?

Fourth bullet.

Because Henry Jekyll had asked for it.

When had John ever been able to say no to Henry? Of course, he said no every time Henry suggested something new, but in the end, he always gave in to whatever Henry asked of him anyway.

He gave in when Henry wanted to have a night on the town, and when he needed help the next morning to try to retrieve whatever property he had gambled away. Gave in when Henry needed an intermediary to send a message to his illicit mistress. And, years ago, gave in when Henry wanted to take him to bed, only to see him rushing away in the morning, hastily explaining it away as a mistake and swearing it would never happen again.

_Do it, John…_

Hands shaking, John aimed the revolver the best he could and readied himself to pull the trigger again.

How could he now deny Henry what was proving to be his dying wish?

Fifth bullet.

Because John Utterson loved Henry Jekyll.

Loved him unlike he had ever loved anyone else, loved him so much it felt more like pain. And what good had that love ever done him? They say he whom love touches walks not in darkness, but surely that meant something else than this weight residing inside John, this chain that bound him to Henry and held his heart in a stranglehold.

John had learned to let go of the fear that someone could read his mind and unearth the secret he was hiding, had learned never to wear his heart on his sleeve, had learned to swallow whatever he was tempted to say and do when he was sitting next to Henry… but he hadn’t yet learned of a way to cut Henry from his heart.

John knew there were others like him who had built a life together with the one they loved. John knew he would never be one of the lucky ones. Henry did not, would not love him like he loved Henry. And what was the use of loving someone, of falling asleep to the thought of him every night for heaven knows how many years, if you would still end up alone?

Maybe the bullets would be enough to sever the bond.

Sixth bullet.

Because Henry Jekyll would never be his. And because this way, no one else could have him either.

For a fraction of a moment, after pulling the trigger for the sixth time and before the sixth kickback snapped him out of it, John felt a jolt of joy.

Finally, he had found a way to make Henry hurt. Make him hurt like he had made John hurt so many times before.

John dropped the revolver, and, momentarily devoid of all emotion except for exhaustion, fell to his knees next to it. Emma was cradling Henry now, but his eyes were already staring into the world beyond. All rounds had been fired and Henry’s blood would permanently stain the church floor. It was over.

The tears, the nightmares, and the crushing, burning, never-ending regret would come later. Just now, the only thing John could do was to repeat his last words to Henry, the words he had whispered just before firing the first shot.

_Forgive me._


End file.
